With You
by BrokenRose12
Summary: It's Christmas once again and Laurel spends it alone. Guilt over Tommy's death still swells in her heart as she sets blame on herself. Within her grievance, she remembers last year. Instead of pushing away the memory, she lets herself reminisce a time when they were happy, when he was around and everything felt almost too perfect to be real.


**Just something I wanted to write for Christmas. Tommy and Laurel need more love so I decided to go with them. I hope you all enjoy and please review. I don't own Arrow. **

* * *

Laurel nearly fumbled with her key while attempting to open the door to her apartment. It was late and her mind was succumbed to the tiredness and fatigue that overtook her body. She had stayed at work longer than expected, in spite of the many people reminding her to head home. It was so much easier to forget, to keep the memories back but they were so vivid in her mind, so close they almost blurred her vision.

It didn't take her long to realize it wasn't her thoughts, but lightly glossed tears coating her green eyes. Threatening to come out the moment she blinked, which was the only reason she left. It was Christmas, yet there was no joy, no holiday spirit. Nothing vaguely close could penetrate the wall surrounding her heart, not when Tommy was gone, taken because of her need to gather files and cases.

The brunette walked inside, the heels of her shoes clicking with every step. Her bag was placed on the closest table. She merely stood in the darkened apartment; the lights couldn't even be bothered with, much like everything else. This room, no, the whole complex, reminded her of him. It was the small things that hurt the most. One look at the kitchen and the smell of his cooking invaded, a glance at the couch and the comments Tommy made whenever they sat together watching a movie pushed into her mind.

His voice still personified in her mind. His tone, so deep and rich always circled her as if she could still hear him, as if he was standing right next to her. But he wasn't. He was gone. It took a while for her to admit that his death was her fault. She painfully let the words flow and found her way into her father's arms, feeling like a child in need of parental guidance.

Laurel was trapped by her own actions, mistakes and wrong decisions she'd made, things she could never change. And yet, she realized with painful clarity, how difficult it must have been for him. The hesitation in his voice when he left her, the initial wanting to avoid the topic altogether whenever they met afterwards, and she tried, for his sake, to keep herself together. He said it was because she belonged with Oliver and despite her moment of weakness, she wanted more than ever to be with him, rather than stuck in the past and with her demons.

She brushed her brown curls behind her shoulder and her eyes, dulled from vainly fighting the ennui that took over her life, scanned the room until it settled upon a picture. In a slow pace she came over to it and carefully picked it up. A sigh fell and she nearly wanted to cry right then and there, but even when she was alone tears felt wrong because he wouldn't want them to trace down her cheek.

The item in her hand was the gift Tommy had given her last year, when they were just starting out, testing the waters after Oliver's return. The nostalgia that came just from the feel of the frame between her fingers was enough to make her chest plunge deeply within herself, nearly suffocating tight. They were so carefree back then without an inkling of the tragedy that would strike.

But that was love, wasn't it? You never think what's down the road when the fairy tale seems real. You're too blinded to turn from the sensations, the way he makes you feel. How he shows his affection through gentle touches, amorous words, searing kisses, and romantic gestures only meant for you. The adoring looks made you feel special, needed, wanted and the smiles he'd give were contagious.

That night still burned freshly. She couldn't forget it if she tried, so instead she allowed it to play even though she tensed the slightest bit. It was the only Christmas fate allowed her to share with Tommy, being more than friends, when lacking the vigor to say it was something more was okay. The first time, when Oliver was dead, what they had wasn't a relationship but it had potential, which he so kindly reminded her after Ollie's welcome back party.

Laurel felt her mouth tugged upward, it was almost phantomlike, for a smile hasn't passed her lips in what felt like ages. Recalling that evening, which was not often done, was almost enough to take some of the pain away. Without the aching that throbbed constantly, she would just feel emptiness and being a lifeless doll and simply moving along with the crowd was too easy. She needed the anguish to remain as a constant reminder. Just this once however, Laurel would dismiss it as her mind tread back a year.

* * *

"_I can't believe Ollie has to spend the rest of Christmas in the hospital," Tommy commented with a light chuckle. With forgotten gloves, his hands were placed in his coat pockets. His pace was steady with Laurel's as they left the building, walking into the brisk wind and soft fall of snow. The seasonal change was in its midst, no longer were leaves changing color and dropping from their branches, rather the bark was speckled with white, no less prepared for the heavy blanket than they were._

_The brunette shook her head, a tiny smile forming across her lips. "You could at least try to sound slightly less amused." Green hues flickered to the young man and back in front of her before she spoke next. "He crashed his motorcycle; those injuries aren't going to heal in a few days." _

_His head inclined towards hers. "If he can survive five years on an island, I don't think this will provide much of a challenge." The news of his accident didn't reach them until after they had left the large piece of property the Queen's owned. They stopped by for about an hour, making sure to give his family some time to be together before walking in with one of those cheesy get well soon gifts, which when spotted on the way just had to be bought. "Why did he leave the party, anyway? It was his idea to have one in the first place."_

_Laurel dipped her chin down, nodding her head in a small motion as her mouth thinned out. "He said something about things going wrong, needing some air. It was a reckless move, but Oliver tends to do things without thinking. Something the two of you have in common." Her curls were pushed aside by the wind, causing an icy chill to run down her spine. _

_With parting lips a small huff was made, breath seen as it drew out into the air. Her statement was obviously accurate as they have been chased and caught on many accounts, but he couldn't idly agree without throwing down a small line of disagreement. "I like to think I make very logical decisions."_

"_Ones that end up at the police station getting interrogated by my dad?" Laurel asked with arched brows and eyes layered in skeptic disbelief. "Those seem more like rash choices." A reminiscent look passed through her features. Everything felt so simple back then. Children or even young teens never dealt with the harshness of reality unless forced upon them and it seemed like the three of them never had the luxury to be free of worries. "You and Oliver got into a lot of trouble when you were younger."_

"_Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought you liked the bad boy type?" Tommy questioned, making his point apparent as he took out a hand and made a gesture towards himself. Of course many others were included within his comment, her ex and their current friend as well. He simply watched as she drew her head to the side before facing him another time. _

"_And I've dated them enough to know how those relationships end up." She didn't need to tell him how, he knew already. Laurel kept her face forward, unable to look straight at him at her next admission. "You were right when you said something was holding me back, but I don't think it's going to be a problem anymore."_

_Tommy knew the whole time the hindrance was Oliver, it always was. He was the one guy she could never get over and move past. They wouldn't have come together the way they had if the Gambit didn't sink, but never in a million years would he want something that tragic to happen to his best friend. With Laurel everything was different, feelings he never encountered came to light. Maybe it was the mix of anguish that drew them together, but something pulled from that and held. Like a penciled sketch, etched so delicately, mistakes were made, yet in the end a beautiful picture was formed. _

_Overlooking the reasons for their current standpoint, even if he very well could have used it for his advantage, he angled his head. Her comment caught his interest. "What exactly are you trying to tell me?" Much hope rendered from his voice, only a little was allowed to come out._

_Her mouth moved as if trying to suppress a grin or maybe a slight giggle. "I think you know." She bit down on her lip and took hold of his hand. Her fingers, in a careful motion, as if easing into it, laced between his. Laurel couldn't deny it if she tried. She knew he felt it just as much as she did. The spark, the current of electricity flowing through every time he was near, every moment her skin touched his. And she wanted him just as badly as he wanted her._

_Tommy looked down, his heart picking up in speed. The word love entered his mind. Being new to it he let the effects of her affection take over. The warmth that filled him from head to toe, the happiness, so many emotions he couldn't quite place. "Maybe, but I want to hear you say it," he replied, his playful tone picked up on. Sidestepping a bit closer, he lessened the space and stopped their walk._

_At first it seemed like he was going to kiss her from the way he leaned forward, but it was his hand that made contact with her cheek. As if he was telling her he thought no less of her from the admission. She founder herself leaned into his caress, closing away the situation of her unresolved feelings for Oliver and the fact that closure is something she desperately seeks to have._

_Her eyes turned away, almost embarrassment at the tender returned gesture. His kindness and gentleness in his orbs struck her. He wasn't a man who took the ways of romance seriously, but for his notorious playboy background he could be extremely sweet. And the way he's looking at her now, with such potent love and desire brimming, she could hardly remember anything that didn't start and end with Tommy Merlyn._

_Her lips parted, the outtake of air leveling down her shoulders. "Fine. No more holding back. I'm ready for us, prepared to take the leap completely." Because they both knew the kind of girl she was, she closed her eyes and jumped, heedless of the danger, but this, they were too right, the relationship too real to be anything less than two people perfect for each other. "The good, the bad, whatever comes along with being your girlfriend."_

"_Good," he replied with a forming grin. "And I'm ready for those firearms your dad is so proficient with." The small comment drawn from Quentin's remark earlier in the day. "So, where exactly does this leave us with the whole moving in thing because my apartment isn't exactly a place to call home. I'd prefer waking up next to you rather than the neighbor's cat, who apparently likes to break in and sleep on my pillow."_

_Laurel laughed a bit at his comment before placing her hand free hand over his. The coldness didn't register when they were this close, nothing really did. The blush staining her cheeks wasn't made aware of either. "It might be tough to pull apart a bond like that but how about we talk about it tomorrow morning?" Tiredness from the long day caught up to her quickly, making sleep a tempting idea._

_His fingers, laced with hers, tightened a bit. The cold was cutting but made no difference to him. He looked down with a slightly mischievous glint resonating in his orbs. "Can I take that as an invitation to stay over tonight?" His tone came out evenly, matching the expression on his face. He then brushed her hair back, his hand flowing to her neck, leaving a tantalizing tingle across her skin. _

_The brunette slipped from his grasp, in spite of the heartfelt sensations, rushing a few steps in front. She knew exactly what he was trying to do and Laurel Lance could play that game too. Pausing to turn her head over her shoulder, she looked at him and batted her long eyelashes teasingly, then she smiled a little too sweetly. "I wouldn't get too ahead of yourself if I were you… but you did give me a very thoughtful present."_

_She made her point quite well, enticing him through simple movement and vixen-like ways. Tommy met up with her again, the same feelings overwhelming him in one blow. His ability to express them remained coherent, he didn't have to say it though, she could see it all. Laurel's ability to read him wasn't questioned. Her honeyed smile was returned with a small smirk. "Is that a yes?" _

_A simple nod of her head was made. It was slow as if the answered needed to be thought of. She could have refused him, but the yearning to stay close wouldn't shatter if they parted, it would increase. "It's almost midnight, we should probably start heading back. Christmas is almost over and I haven't exactly given you your gift yet."_

_Tommy's eyebrows arched at the alluring sound of her voice and forced himself not to concede right away. "Actually, I was hoping I could take you somewhere first and before you ask, no, it can't wait until tomorrow." He saw the way her brows furrowed in miniscule confusion. A rejection due to the late hour was expected, but he countered before it could be rendered. "Come on, for me?"_

_Laurel bit down on her lip, the look he gave her was too much. How he managed to break down her defensive walls so effortlessly was beyond her, Tommy knew the exact look to give to make her submit. With a sigh, she shook her head in defeat. "You're lucky I like_ _you, Merlyn."_

* * *

In the midst of it all, Laurel found her hand reaching for the bottle of wine so conveniently placed on the table. Her coat was left discarded on the arm of the couch only a second before her fingers took hold of the container. A glass was taken from the kitchen and she poured it in a bit too quickly, letting the red liquid stain the tiled floor. She doesn't bother with it now.

A sip was taken, it acidly slips down her throat, numbing as much of the pain as it could. For who was to think reminiscing in the happy memories would cause such heartache, shouldn't it be the opposite? How was it fair for someone so innately good to be taken from this world, especially in her stead? The one guy who was so determined to prove himself to her when all along had nothing to attest.

Laurel simply wasn't ready and he was all the more willing to wait, but between his tacky and yet consequently romantic sediments, she fell for him. Tommy made her feel again when she thought, after losing Sara and Oliver, it wasn't possible. Their days of fooling around to ease the sadness were overlooked, but not forgotten, the moment he made a promise. To be better, someone she deserved and wanted to be with. She was far less deserving than he knew.

He was a better man than he gave himself credit for. And he so selflessly rushed into CNRI and save her. When asked why he came, specifically after the breakup, after he had told her who she belonged with, be it for old habits or not, he said those three words. That was his reason, he still loved her and she could see it in his eyes. He never stopped.

The cup was downed with a single intake. The taste didn't even register. Stumbling slightly, she took a second to balance herself. Just the alcohol alone wasn't enough to make her tipsy; it combined with the fatigue and lack of willpower when in solitude is what caused the stagger in her steps. Her lips were pressed together in fear of a sob escaping if allowed to open.

Laurel missed him and every now and again when she closed his eyes Tommy's smile came to mind, only to be erased with the dead body she held onto after the quake. That image never left. Because he had said he was right behind her, because he never made it out, she could never forgive herself. Her mind was still hazy from it all. She couldn't find logic in anything anymore and who was Laurel Lance without logic?

The cup was placed on the counter, the urge to down the whole bottle and just sleep was held. A deep breath was taken and a quick glimpse of the clock was made. She shouldn't leave the apartment, but found herself snatching her jacket, pulling it over she shoulders, and heading towards the door. The late hour was of no concern; nothing really held much of her attention if it didn't involve her work or Tommy.

* * *

_The snow drift had picked up; heavy flurries spotted the dark sky and grass below their feet. The distance they walked wasn't far but the brisk winds made it seem longer. The path through the park was abandoned some time ago as he led her to an unknown location abundant with trees until they entered a small clearing on the other side. The water, calm and glittering from the moon's casting glow, was in view. The open space allowed the stars to be seen with ease._

"_Watch your head," Tommy instructed after ducking below a low hanging branch. He turned, lifting it up a bit for her. She copied his actions and met up with him again. A few more steps were taken before he paused, sparing a small smile indicating that they had reached the destination. His lips tugged up a bit more at her glance around._

_Puzzlement resided within her eyes. Laurel crossed her arms, attempting to keep herself warm. "Why are we here? The view is nice and all but you better have a good reason for dragging me out here." Her tone was light and tactful. He never did much without reason, something she picked up on after a while, even though sometimes it's inconsequential at the start._

_Tommy took a small breath, bowing his head away for a moment. It appeared as if he was struggling with his words when actually it was more of him trying to push down the unbidden rush of emotions that hit when catching her beneath the luminosity of light falling before them. She was beautiful, but that wasn't even good enough to describe the way he saw her. An exhale was made. "I used to sneak out of the house and come here when I was younger. I never told anyone this, not even Oliver. Before my mom was died, she told me this story about this place."_

_Her green orbs washed over him. A stride was made and a comforting hand was placed on his shoulder. "I never hear you talk about her." Laurel met him after her murder, heard about it on the news the next morning, too young to fully compensate the heavy toll a death had on a child the same age as her. It wasn't something she felt right mentioning. _

"_I usually don't," Tommy said, his voice a bit husky and strained. "My dad left after her funeral and was gone for two years. I asked but he never told me where he went. All I know was when he got back he was so cold. That's why I spent so much time at Ollie's." He glanced up at her, meeting the slight disquiet forming over her features. "From the outside it looked like I had a father. He bailed me out, he paid my bills, but he wasn't himself after her death. We hardly spoke at all and whenever I brought my mom up, he'd get this look on his face, so I just stopped talking about her altogether."_

"_It must have been hard for you." For some unidentified reason she whispered, unable to render her voice any higher. "I didn't know." Perhaps that explained his rebellious actions, although not completely excusable. She was lost of what to say, taken in by what he told her, how willing he was to be open without her having to ask. This side of him was rare to see when he buried it under quick wit and conveniently timed remarks._

"_Don't worry about it." He shook his head in a light motion. He didn't expect her to know because he never brought it up. Tommy still wasn't on good terms with Malcolm, it didn't matter though. "Sometimes the people you want there the most aren't. My dad taught me that. Multiple times. He wasn't there when I needed him but I'm not eight years old anymore. Losing my mother still hurts but I learned to deal with it."_

_She wanted to tell him that it wasn't fair, that it wasn't right for him to have to go through so much. The right words slipped from her. "I didn't lose Sara until I was older. I can relate but not really at the same time." Laurel paused, suddenly feeling a bit down at the mention of her sister. Shaking it off, she cleared her throat, meaning to get back to the original topic. "You were saying?"_

_A calming sigh escaped him, he didn't want to think of his father's neglect anymore or cause a daunting atmosphere. Instead he motioned her over. "It was this spot, right here. You see that star?" Tommy walked behind, resting one arm around her waist and the other hand used to point it out. "She told me if you make a wish on that specific one during the last minute of Christmas, no matter what it is, it will come true. She promised to take me here, but never got the chance."_

"_So you came by yourself," she stated. It sounded lonely. She accepted the security felt with him so near, knowing if he left, she'd be lost without it. With him she felt like someone valued her and cared about what she wanted and gave her everything she needed without question. Laurel angled her head back a little, meeting his look. "Why are you sharing something so sacred with me?"_

_Tommy moved a little, just enough so she could see him without having to turn back. "A few days ago I was at a bar, talking to an older man. Somehow we got into a conversation about his wife, who had passed away a few months ago, eventually, the conversation lead to him asking me a question. 'In a perfect word, if you could have anything you wanted, where would you be?'"_

_She was afraid to hear it, scared he was going to say the perfect thing. He always did. When it came to matters of the heart, she was guarded with reason. Hurt by Oliver and his fear of commitment, but Tommy wasn't Oliver. They were similar in many ways, yet held differences so diverse from one another. Laurel let her voice come out softly. "What was your answer?"_

_Truthfully, the response came without a second thought. He recognized the expression on her face, the very one she made whenever he was able to get her alone. Regardless, he walked in front of her and brushed some of her hair back "With you." He saw the mixed emotions swell in her eyes quickly. "It might be too early to say this but I don't think I'm wrong. I love you."_

_Her heart warmed at his words. That verse has been said to her before but never the way he just had. She lost any vocal sound. Was she supposed to say it back? Did he expect her to? For the life of her, she couldn't understand why he wasn't questioning her silence. He didn't move from her or give a hurt look, Tommy simply smiled for a brief moment, somehow letting her know she can take her time._

_His phone made a small beeping sound, to which he turned off after quickly taking it out. "It's one minute until midnight. If you want to make a wish, you have to do it now." At her nod, he stepped back, even with her once again. Keeping their eyes on the star, they both silently pleaded to the small shimmering dot in the sky. "Do you want to know what I wished for?" he asked subsequent to a few moments of silence._

_She caught sight of his profile. His focus was still upward. "It won't come true," Laurel told him. Really it was a known fact, but he seemed more than willing to share. The brunette didn't want to drag her gaze away and for the first time in a while, she listened to her heart rather than her mind, which always tried to find sense in everything. When it came to him, perhaps she could just accept they were meant to happen._

"_I don't know," Tommy mentioned. His grey orbs met her green and his lips quirked upward. "I have a feeling it might." He jerked his head up, shifting his stare to the mistletoe hanging from a tree branch above them. The decoration was placed throughout the park in varies places, he just so happened to know one was dangling above them since they arrived._

_Laurel's head dropped, a small laugh escaping. She came closer, sealing the distance once her body was up against his. Resting her forehead to his, she breathed out deeply. At the same time they slowly leaned towards each other, giving her just enough time to mutter a few words. "I don't want to worry about the past, I want to look forward. I love you too."_

_Their lips came together, the kiss slow and searing. His fingers brushed past her cheek and tangled between her long curls of hair. The heat, the ecstasy, the spark, the electricity, the burning sensations that came from the light touches and mouth contact, was almost too much to take in and yet not enough. After a while they both pulled away, her head finding its way to his chest._

_Her hands smoothed up his back and another light kiss was placed on her hair. The words Merry Christmas escaped at the same time. It would take a few minutes to break the embrace, but eventually they'd walk back to Laurel's hand in hand with the snow falling around them. _

* * *

The weather was colder than she remembered. The snowflakes that fell from the sky already coated the ground in a heavy blanket, so different from last year. Laurel trudged through the white sheet to the very spot in the park he had taken her. The stars shinned just as brightly without a single cloud to obscure the view. The ornament didn't hang above her head anymore, being placed in different locations each Christmas.

Her eyes drifted shut, a sharp breath taken, drinking in the recollections and warmth of every traced touch. If Tommy couldn't be here, because she knew he would have wanted to come back with her, she felt inclined to be here. She could envision his exact movements and wanted more than anything to feel him close again, to have him pull her into his arms, to be near enough to hear his heartbeat.

Laurel's orbs opened and caught sight of the star he pointed out, the one they wished upon, together. Her teeth held down her lip, dragging back until a mist escaped her mouth. Her cheeks soon felt wet, the need to veil her emotions gone when in this location. Tears weren't something new, although they were suppressed the majority of the time. Having felt like she cried enough already, the droplets were wiped away but too quickly replaced.

She never told him what she wished for and he didn't ask, Tommy got what he wanted. To think he's spend it on a kiss. The brunette choked back a sob. The joy he found in such simplicities was strange and yet wonderful. Maybe it was because he lost so much as a child. Whatever the reason, he grew into a man she could love. His nights with random girls never affected his ability to stay faithful. It was she who faltered on that one, it didn't matter if they weren't together anymore, she betrayed him.

Of course Tommy didn't hold it against her, he hardly threw any mistakes she made in her face. Her head shook from side to side, trying to put away the negative. If only she had another chance to talk to him, to tell him how much he mattered to her, how much she needed him. To let him know she would have picked him, as if there was really a choice, her heart already decided for her the second she let him in.

It was probably past midnight now, however that fact didn't matter. She looked up, her coat brought closer to her frame, and the wind whipping in a chilly gust. Her eyes never left the twinkling speck. With parting lips, she found her voice coming out without control, saying things she so desperately wanted to blurt out last year but couldn't bring herself to do.

"I wished that moment and that feeling would last forever. I guess in a way it did come true." Her words came out softly as if scared to raise it any higher. He might not be here now, but for this instance, relishing in the past, holding onto the never forgotten emotions, it was okay. "In a perfect word, if I could have anything I wanted, I would be with you too. Merry Christmas, Tommy."


End file.
